Bitchin bicyclists

Apart from trolls who design economy seats in planes, serious cyclists are the meanest people in the world. Ever. And by serious cyclists I mean anyone wearing lycra, designer stubble and ferocious looking bike. 

It really doesn’t matter where in the world you are, they are all the same. These lean mean cyclists like to pick an iconic piece of real estate – let’s say a bridge, popular foreshore path frequented by walkers or place teeming with kids and then plan to do their hardcore five hour Saturday fitness trail there. Then they let fly: keep to the left, eyes on the road, don’t park here, look this way, pay attention, bad place to park are common catchphrases when they come eyeball to eyeball with someone having fun.

Nothing original or even remotely funny or even helpful ever comes out of their lycra lips, and what’s more no one is immune. A kid trying to park a bike or a couple of tourists admiring the view will all get invective sprayed at him. As for please, excuse me or do you mind – out of the question.

But the question I’d like to ask these hairless monkeys is – what the hell are you doing riding a popular route 10am on a Sunday? If you are that serious choose another route. You are the ones who should be apologising to everyone else. Not only for rudeness of olympic proportions but for trespassing on our territory. Coz you’re making me wheely wheely mad.

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