St Paula’s Letter to the Electorate

And so it came to pass that Julia soon after her assumption was queen of the land. Though there were some among them who mourned Kevin of Nambour and felt him greatly wronged, Julia wooed those from far and wide. Her hair they marvelled is the colour of the fire in its embers, her eyes like emeralds. She wore virginal white and sprinkled rose petals named hard-working Australians and Moving Forward wherever she went.

Antony of Waringah did squirm in his smugglers of many colours. Many scribes throughout the land did think the smugglers too tight. Then came the moment of great reckoning. A contest was held between Julia of Altona and Anthony of Waringah, for that is the tradition of our people. It is also the tradition of our people to hold a great feast, and many great platters of watermelon done three ways and pan seared confit of pork belly with truffle oil foam were prepared afterwards.

 Many of the people were preparing for the feast so they missed the great contest. But the scribes ascribed a nil all draw. Anthony of Waringah was fair relieved for his smugglers were way too tight that evening.

 And it came to pass that the time of great rejoicing on the assumption of Julia of Altona came to an end. Julia did speak of carbons that did emit and of a great people’s assembley of hard-working Australians moving forward to place a price upon the carbon’s head. But the people were tired after the great feast and they did not wish it so. This marked the beginning of the great downfall. Those formerly known as Green moved back to the leader called Brown to their tents in the valley shaking their heads and gnashing their teeth and speaking of their camomile gardens.

By darkness terrible news about Julia of Altona spread throughout the land. The scribes wrote that Julia did not like some of the hard-working Australians after all and had denied them three times their nuggets of gold. The people were angry, and the scribes were thoughtful, for that is the way with scribes. They wondered if Kevin from Nambour was really making all this up.

Kevin of Nambour denied them more than three times. But he was still mightily pissed off.  He was consumed with bile, bitterness and his tears flowed into the Brisbane River.

It galled him that Julia of Altona had taken his crown. So much so his gall began to ache and in the dark of night he was taken ill and had to have the bile cast out from his body. Therese of Nambour told the scribes Kevin had many friends throughout the land who sent him many buckets of flowers from the desert.

Julia from Altona denied she had cast on Kevin of Nambour and she sent her bodyguard to wish him well.

 She said she would fight Anthony of Waringah, on the beaches and in the shopping centres of the hard-working Australians throughout the land.  She alone was the rightful leader of the people of the desert land, and she would fight him to the death.


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