St Paula’s letter to the electorate – post election issue

And so it came to pass that the day of reckoning did beckon.

Barbecues of burnt offerings lit the land and smoke signals did let the people know it’s time.

But the people could not agree on who should run the tabernacle.

When the counting began Red Kerry of 7.30Reportland did look amazed. No-one had the Book of Numbers 76 Chapter and Verse. The tabernacle was split exactly in two.

These were strange days indeed. The Book of Titus went to Anthony of Waringah. He also took the Ephesians and Amos by storm but the prized Book of Corinthians and Jude and most of Ruth stayed with Julia. Steve Fielding was Exodus and Maxine of Bennelong had Lamentations and thank God it looked like Wilson Tuckey was out of Job too.

Even the Australian Sex Party, jezebels all, could not a candidate erect. But the man whose name was Brown but was Green did have a foot in both camps and celebrate much.

Yet from the north came a miracle man with a giant turban and a whip he was not afraid to use, called Katter; who did spake of bananas and a great inland sea and was more than likely mad. And floating in from the east came a man called Windsor who did speak in measured tones and a man called Oakeshott who was tall and not a bad sort and seemed way too normal to want to hang out in the tabernacle.

And yea, although Anthony of Waringah did strut the stage in a pair of tiny tiny smugglers, the scribes shaked their heads, for he had not the Numbers.

And Julia of Altona’s tribes did wail and weep. Bitar of the campaign office did speak of betrayal and deception, which loosely translated into Aramaic means Kevin Rudd. Though KRudd of Nambour did have a swing to him a matter of great self-congratulation and much twittering from his place of exile.

The men named Katter, Oakeshott and Windsor from the distant kingdoms did issue their ten commandments. Julia of Altona did worship at the feet of the three wise men and seek their blessing. Anthony of Waringah speak of loving kindness, before he reverted to type and did deny them three times before he said um, ah, err and let them see his figures.

The people of the great desert land saw that spring had come and flowers did bloom. Winter was nearly over and they could struggle into their own smugglers soon enough.

Perhaps a new dawn did approach.Or perhaps there would be another election. They held up their hands to God – fair shake of the sauce bottle, hadn’t they been punished enough?


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