From the negotiation room

We take you behind the scenes in the negotiation stage with the three independents:

Julia: Welcome fine country gentlemen. Can I get you a cup of tea?

Katter: Yes thanks luv. But no NBN

Julia: But I thought you wanted an NBN?

Katter: No bloody nutrisweet. Queensland sugar for me. That’s what’s wrong with you Coles Woolworths dictatorship, it leaves out Queensland sugar, I can assure you. I mean let’s talk about farmers going to the wall, every week I get a call from …

Julia: Oh, Bob, I’ll come to you very soon.  I just want to offer Tony and Rob something to drink too.

Tony: Cup of tea thanks Julia.

Julia: And a few Northern Tablelands scones.

Tony: Thanks Julia.

Rob: And can I have a cup of coffee made by our own regional coffee plantation in Port Macquarie. Oh gees, it would be good if they could expand.

Julia: Of course Rob, and I know you’re a bit of a kayaker. Boy do I have a deal for you. What about we form a kayak circle of trust around Australia to symbolise our new collegial parliamentary love in. It’d be great, of course we’d need to build an entirely new kayak industry in say, oh I dunno, Port Macquarie industrial area?

Rob: Sweet. Say Julia this regional coffee tastes fantastic, you do a good brew.

Tony: Brew ha ha. What about me?

Katter: Another lump of  Queensland sugar thanks luv, now Jules, let’s talk food security. I want a slice of pineappple upside down cake, a couple of lamos, I’ll pinch one of Tony’s scones. No, no, hear me out, I’ve had plenty of my stuff pinched I can tell you and some of that chocolate macademia nut cake stuff too.

Julia: Of course, Bobkat no problem.

Katter: Core, this chocolate stuff’s pretty good

Julia: It was cooked by the Greens for our agreement after party, cooked with love as they say.

Katter: What’s that luv?

Tony: Enough about Bob. I’ve got a big hat too, I just don’t show off about it all the time. What about me?  Where’s my pork barrell?

Julia: Aw don’t be like that Tony, if I was really pork barrelling I’d give you Tasmania.

Katter: Ok, can I have that too? Flo, bride of Joh, is down there, need to shore up my pumpkin scone food security.

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