I read the other day in The Daily Tele, that tome of investigative reporting, that Australians are spending more than any other country on all things Christmas. So that means: food, booze, decorations and Beroccas. It’s staggering to think that we are spending more than Americans. I don’t reckon this figure is anything to be proud of. Why? Australians are not especially religious, we are fat enough already and in the face of the global economic freakshow, it seems somehow, well wrong.
I’ve figured out why we spend so much: we like to do the hot dinner, for tradition’s sake and we like the cold dinner, as it makes a lot more sense. It also costs a lot more. Have you tried buying a six pack of oysters lately without taking out a second mortgage? As for prawns – what about buying a medium-sized bucket of prawns without having to sell shares? Then there’s hot pudding, ice cream – and because it’s Christmas it has to be the special ice cream – and blueberries, strawberries, stone fruit, pavlova. It’s a neverending spendy fest.
Then the over-the-top Christmas lights – well, that’s another rantarama for another day. But suffice to say – WTF are these people thinking? It doesn’t even get dark till 8.30pm so there’s only a few hours where we see them. Again, another Northern Hemisphere tradition that makes a lot of sense if it’s minus ten and dark from 2.30pm. Here in the land of non-stop spending and hot summer nights, just forget about it, please. Santa knows where you live, and given the amount Australians are spending on presents, you can bet he’s coming to you and your compatriots this year.