Don’t darken my door with Christmas lights

There are two types of people in the world. Those who like Christmas lights and Bob Geldof music and those who want Bob Geldof’s money. I belong in the second group.

Bob Geldof, he could do with showering for approximately three years. Christmas lights, they could do with turning off. I’m not a total Scroogette (which would be a good name for Bob Geldof’s next Christmas song), it’s not that I absolutely hate them. It’s just that I like Christmas lights to be more along the lines of the New Year’s fireworks – in public places and done well. Like the Sydney fireworks, they should be tastefully tacky but not bogan. And definitely not fluoro baby Jesus on a crazy donkey out of Shrek (yes, I have seen this in the hood).

But in good old suburban Sydney the number of houses outdoing each other to produce the craziest sound and light show ever is a tad over the top. Have you not heard of the environment, people? It’s also expensive and it also makes no sense. Christmas lights are designed for the northern hemisphere, when Christmas falls close to the shortest day of the year and people need cheering up. That makes perfect sense.

In Sydney on a 30 degree night when it is not even properly dark until 8.30pm? Not perfect sense. (Also we don’t need cheering up in the great land downunder because we have a mining boom, which is making us rich and happy). No cheering up required! We are already delirious. Happy Christmas, blogosphere.


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