The insatiable craze of tasting plates

The current fad for tasting plates makes me want to break some dishes. Preferably Greek style. I want to break them one tiny tasting plate at a time until all the world’s tasting plates have been eliminated and we can get back to one square meal on a non-square plate.

According to this self-styled foodie, tasting plates are a cunning, not to mention, successful way to drive profits. These tasty sharing plates come with a rather hefty price tag, usually retailing at $16 and upwards.

According to restaurant marketing people, the ethos behind the whole tasting plate craze is that you share them and make the meal a convivial experience and in so doing make the world a better place. Possibly even create world peace between Greeks and Germans. At least until you get the bill.

It seems that tasting plates are really just a pimped up entree. How else can you explain that menus now offer the option of tasting plates followed by the main meal? How else can you explain the augmented price tag? How else do you explain words like pulled pork belly on a bed of cauliflower puree and passionfruit sauce? Not to mention duck and Bunya nut cream or any words involving spanner crab and lettuce.

I reckon tasting plates are a good way to spend good on garnish and a weird meat and the sooner the tasting plate craze gets unceremoniously sent back to the kitchen to wash dishes, the better.

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Polished floorboards hard on hearing

What is the deal with polished floorboards? I mean I get the deal, really I do. They’re easy to clean, look good, go with anything and can turn a dag-o-rama old pub into something edgy, pared back and other words that would sound good on Better Homes and Gardens.

Trouble is … you can’t hear a word. Now this is ok, good actually if say, Tony Abbott is talking about well, anything really.

Bad if you want to hear what someone is saying or attempt an actual conversation. How many marriage proposals have fallen through the cracks because no-one could hear? How many crucial conversations, business deals and other opportunities have been cut down by these conversation-inhibiting planks of wood.

Let’s start a new tax – 20 per cent off the bill if an eatery/function centre or anywhere other than a Forestry Department Museum has polished floorboards. Now – that wood be good.