And another thing …

I don’t want to give out my name when I order a coffee.

Why do they need my name? I don’t want my name blurted out in front of the Gloria Jeans crowd. It’s none of their business.  Can’t they give me a number? Or even do their job and remember what I ordered? Who knows – maybe even bring it to my table? Do I ask too much?

Giving out my name at cafes feels like an invasion of privacy. After all it’s just a cup of coffee, not a committment ceremony here.

So what’s the answer? Give a false name?  I’ve done this many times but keep forgetting what my cafe name is. Probably stopping going to these places is the only real answer. It’s not like the coffee’s any good, but it’s difficult now – they know my name.

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How’s your day been?

This is what I really hate. When people – let’s call them shop assistants – ask me how my day is.

It’s none of your business is how my day is. I am not your friend, relative or colleague. I hardly know you and who knows, I may never see you again, and if you keep it up, I will never shop here again so I don’t think it’s reasonable to start a whole new ten second friendship, based on … nothing.

Plus there’s: any plans for the weekend? What are you wearing this with? What are you cooking tonight (a butcher special), and the fake perennial … how are you? I don’t want any of these fakesque questions, I would really just like to stick to the weather or a plain old can I help you?

So, here’s the answer next time they ask how’s your day been? Normal. That’s what. Now hand me back my credit card and let me get back to enjoying my cranky day.