Driver on board – oh, really?

I really hate these car stickers:

  • Baby on Board
  • Princess on Board
  • Princess-in-training on Board
  • Little People on Board
  • I Shoot and I Vote
  • I Fish and I Vote
I mean for God‘s sake, is there any kind of person, not to mention princess or baby who votes, shoots or fishes or rides in a car and wants to tell the world, or at least the person stuck behind them on the M5 about it. I’m thinking Magic Happens stickers are a whole lot less sick-making.
And don’t get me started on the My Family series of stickers.
What about we combine all these stickers into just a few all-encompassing slogans, like:
I Breathe and I Vote
I Pay Taxes and I vote
I Drive and I Vote
I Park, Drive and Vote
I Believe Magic Happens and I Vote
Taxpayer on Board
Pissed-off Sydney Driver on Board
There’s a million of them when you think about it. Taxpayer on Board – that’s got to catch on, don’t you think? Then add a hibiscus and you have a fad worth patenting.
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Brrr – personal winter feels like arctic thaw

I’m worried. The temperature is 23 degrees Celsius and I’m shivering in my trackies, uggies and a chunky jumper that looks like it was designed by the people who brought you the Snuggie blanket.

To be honest, I’d kill for a Snuggie right now. But why is it that anytime the temperature drops below 25 degrees it feels like arctic thaw is camped off the coast of Sydney?

The thing is I normally love autumn and winter. When else can you sink red wine and chow down your own body weight in carbs and hot chocolates and have it feel so right? When else can you not worry about spiders invading your personal space and enjoy the smug reassurance of a person who knows it’s at least 180 shopping days till Christmas. That’s my kind of season.

But 23 degrees and reaching for the Snuggie and dressing like a Santa Claus version of Barry O’Farrell? It’s enough to make you want to hide in bed in the foetal position with the electric blanket up on high and have someone bring you hot chocolates.

On the seventh day God created Parramatta Road

The other day I was driving through the Sydney traffic carpark, when I was sandwiched behind a car with the sticker: “Slow Down. Take in God’s Creation”. With the exception of “I’m a locovore and I vote”, this is quite possibly the most moronic sticker on the planet today. 

It got me thinking – WTF? God didn’t create the roads – this is our little creation. You name it, we built it – the M’s, the F’s, Parramatta, Sunnyholt, James Ruse, Silverwater and all the others Vic Laruso rattles off in his sleep every morning as giant parking lots, best avoided.

Ok, so I know what this self-annointed slow laner was trying to say – check out your surroundings. But here’s the thing, God doesn’t particularly care one way or another. The proof? Look at a forest of trees – not one of them has a sign saying, “Actually the rosewood’s not bad – I made this.” Not one set of initials, no I woz here, no pawprint, nada.

Don’t slow down, it’s bad for traffic flow and causes accidents. Let’s keep creationism off the roads instead.